Closing my legs as tightly as I could, as to reverse what had just happened, I quickly power walked to the restroom, shut the door behind me and sank to the floor. With my back against the door and my legs pulled up to my chest, I sobbed into my knees. I agreed to this, I wanted it, but why did I feel so guilty? I had planned to save myself for my husband, but I was in love with you and I was sure we were going to get married one day anyways. Quickly I assessed that it was acceptable and I didn’t do anything wrong. My mind fluttered back to just ten minutes prior. “Does this hurt? Tell me if it hurts.” You stared so deep into my eyes I was so embarrassed to even look at yours. I could feel your weight on top of me and all I could do was shake my head and then nod. I couldn’t talk; afraid to open my mouth from fear of what would escape my lips. I knitted my brows and laid there, it did feel good. I was thinking too much and wasn’t focusing on enjoying myself. Next thing I knew, something sticky and hot was flowing onto my stomach. You collapsed next to me and kissed my cheek softly. “Wow” you breathed. You jumped out of bed grabbed an old tee shirt from the laundry bin and wiped yourself off, then me. “Go clean up.” It’s like I was waiting for that, waiting to be released from your trance. - After cleaning myself and the blood that tainted my purity, I walked out of the restroom holding my breasts down. I slowly walked back to where you were; you were in a pair of cotton boxers, shirtless sitting in front of the computer screen with one hand on your left knee, the other on the mouse. I felt like an intruder, an outsider.