Panic Attack

I always thought I was a great swimmer, I never had to hold my nose or keep my head above water. I could dive down, touch the ocean floor with my abdomen, glide around and even do some flips. Until one day I drowned. I was beat to my inner core, emotionally and physically; kicked, slapped, and spat on. I inhaled and my lungs felt flooded, I tried to inhale again, flooded. I gasped for air, my breaths were shallow and rapid, so rapid my head spun. I couldn’t stop hyperventilating. I thought what’s the point? Why try to stay afloat anymore, just relax and let yourself sink, you’ll feel better. So I drowned. I gave up trying to pump oxygen through my blood, my body became limp and so did my mind. I didn’t care anymore. I thought I was a great swimmer, but I’ve been drowning ever since.

Unconditional Love

Love without any limits. There are no limitations on one’s love for the other. I wish I could experience this one day.

Before and after make up. Some people are never seen with out it.

Before and after make up. Some people are never seen with out it.

I wasn’t sure where the music ended and he began. He was the music. The way he possessed me, controlled my moods and embodied me-just like the songs he made me listen to-was electrifying. Whatever music was on mimicked his mood or actions. I could tell what he was thinking not by his face, he never gave anything away, but by the words of the artists that surrounded us every where we went. He never told me when he was upset, sad or down; I concluded quickly that he didn’t like to talk about any of his problems. Sometimes I thought maybe it was difficult for him to find the words.

After oiling the backyard gate hinges, and climbing into my car, I rolled down the driveway on neutral not to make a sound during my escape. When I reached your apartment I felt the relief and safety that one might feel upon arriving home after a horrible day. You had turned the futon into a bed for us and patted the spot next to you for me to join. I laid there while you had your head propped up on your hand, lying on your side, you were staring at me. I always got so shy when you did this; you could make me feel so beautiful sometimes it was addicting. You told me you had a song for me to listen to, like always there was a new song on the list for me to enjoy.

"Damn girl, where did you learn to do all that?
Ay, can I tell you something? Listen

[Verse 1]
Girl the sex was crazy, better yet amazing
Don’t be sad, I ain’t going nowhere, let’s just lay and talk
Girl I know you feel it, this chemistry that we got
So don’t be shy, I ain’t going nowhere, I’m here for the night
So move closer, bring your body to mine, let me hold you right
Don’t be mad, I ain’t going nowhere, I’mma sleep here by your side

[Hook]
You probably think I’m shady, girl, I know, but I (ain’t gon’ fuckin’ bounce)
I’m feeling you, I wanna get to know you, so (let’s have pillow talk)

[Verse 2]
When I saw you after my show, your friends were acting like hoes
But you were different, you weren’t impressed by all my money or fancy shit
Girl your skin is so smooth, and you smell good just like some new shoes
I see you smiling, is that a sign that you feeling me too? Girl I hope so

[Hook]

[Outro]
So move closer bring your body to mine
Just like my Bathing Apes”

Pillow Talk by Kid Cudi

#war #peace #search

#war #peace #search

I discovered at a young age that love did not reside in my household. My alarm clock consisted of yelling and banging on the wall and my bedtime story was something similar as well. I had a nightmare every single night, most of the time different tales were played out in these horrific dreams but there was one recurring dream- I was standing outside my church with all my friends talking, laughing, enjoying life. Quickly the scene changed and the sky turned blacker than night and the ground began to curl beneath our feet. Almost as if the world rounded out under us and we stood larger than life on a sphere. Some children screamed and easily rolled off into the abyss, some stayed perfectly still where they stood. Then there was me; I hung onto the earth with my life and could feel myself losing grip and looked down to see the empty nothingness that tried to consume me. I could hear loud footsteps gaining on me until I felt something touch the tips of my fingers that clung into the dirt. It was my father, “get up, what are you doing? Are you stupid?” The more he talked the further I slipped.- This dream came to me almost 3 times a week. In the same form, speed and length this dream haunted me this often.

For a while I hunted through the 1,435 miles that sewn the distance between us for the moment I lost you. Through much thought, angst and nostalgia I realized that I never had you, you were never mine. You were yours.

Oh how things have changed.

Oh how things have changed.

Why Don’t You Call Me - James Blake

Why Don’t You Call Me - James Blake

kissmeok:

♡Love/Couples♡

kissmeok:

♡Love/Couples♡

The tears that escaped me left a blazing trail on my cheek from the sting of pain that was just issued to my face. I whipped my face back around and stared into his eyes with such hate and disgust hoping he could feel how much those feelings encompassed me. “Go away I can’t even look at you, you’re disgusting!” Pivoting on my foot I turned and walked off to the bathroom, locked the door, stripped down and climbed into the bath tub. This is the only place I could cry without him hearing me and the only place he couldn’t get to me.

One day when I’m so far away from this place I’ll think of you and wonder how you’re doing. ☕️

One day when I’m so far away from this place I’ll think of you and wonder how you’re doing. ☕️

Secret: when my nails are done and I’m done being pampered I feel so much prettier. ☺️

Secret: when my nails are done and I’m done being pampered I feel so much prettier. ☺️

Poke 2 (New Experience)

Closing my legs as tightly as I could, as to reverse what had just happened, I quickly power walked to the restroom, shut the door behind me and sank to the floor. With my back against the door and my legs pulled up to my chest, I sobbed into my knees. I agreed to this, I wanted it, but why did I feel so guilty? I had planned to save myself for my husband, but I was in love with you and I was sure we were going to get married one day anyways. Quickly I assessed that it was acceptable and I didn’t do anything wrong. My mind fluttered back to just ten minutes prior. “Does this hurt? Tell me if it hurts.” You stared so deep into my eyes I was so embarrassed to even look at yours. I could feel your weight on top of me and all I could do was shake my head and then nod. I couldn’t talk; afraid to open my mouth from fear of what would escape my lips. I knitted my brows and laid there, it did feel good. I was thinking too much and wasn’t focusing on enjoying myself. Next thing I knew, something sticky and hot was flowing onto my stomach. You collapsed next to me and kissed my cheek softly. “Wow” you breathed. You jumped out of bed grabbed an old tee shirt from the laundry bin and wiped yourself off, then me. “Go clean up.” It’s like I was waiting for that, waiting to be released from your trance. - After cleaning myself and the blood that tainted my purity, I walked out of the restroom holding my breasts down. I slowly walked back to where you were; you were in a pair of cotton boxers, shirtless sitting in front of the computer screen with one hand on your left knee, the other on the mouse. I felt like an intruder, an outsider.